When you don’t know where to go

Aimless and chained

Have you ever felt like you are wondering around, without knowing the real purpose of existing and what you really wanted the most?

This reminds me the life of being a pet. The sole existance of the pet dog for instance, is to follow its master everywhere they go, and listen to their commands. What if when the master suddenly stops giving orders, chained it, and leave the dog somewhere by itself? How would the dog feel? Who would you feel when you are in that situation?

Suddenly you lose aim of what you are trying so hard to achieve for, the feeling of anxiety, fear; looking for something or someone that we can count on, but couldn’t find them anywhere.

All the dog can do is, whine and howl, wishing its master will return.

What will you do?

Just like a caged animal.

Caged in, yearning for freedom

How often do you feel that you have been caged in an invisible prison, forced to spend most your time on routine tasks everyday, exchanging your freedom just to get ends meet?

How often do you wonder, have you ever threaded on the wrong path, maybe you had made a wrong choice or decision?

Have you ever thought that maybe you would be better off doing something else?

Have you ever wondered, where’s the love from your fellow human beings living around you?

Come to think of it, passion about something doesn’t last very long for us normal people. I remember myself as wanting to be some passionate engineer who can bring benefit to society, but it didn’t take too long to realize that this is harder than I had ever imagined.

I guess we have society to blame. We are living in a broken system, where freedom and love are long gone, exchanged with monetary means and materialistic mindsets. Most of us are selfish, involved in this rat race, thinking all about ourselves and never spare a thought about others. I myself had become obsessed with that, that I want to move on as quickly as possible to get whatever I wanted the most. I have really changed.

I always thought that the choices that I had made was right. But now I kind of doubt it. I need to find back my passion, my compassion that I had always have it in me all the time. It seems that I had changed a lot, and I think it would be difficult to find back my old self again.

I had always been a fan of the 1998 “Patch Adams” movie, which is based on a true story. It is a story about a nobody, about the process of this nobody, Hunter ‘Patch’ Adams, becoming a doctor who sees patients as doctors, healing patients with laughter and love, helping patients, taking them as friends. He is a living person by the way, and he is still continuing his effort by building hospitals which provides free medical care for those in need without the complications of medical insurance and what not. Patch had been my inspiration when I was young, and I think I need to find something which ultimately will make me happy for doing it, just like Patch being happy by helping other fellow human beings.

Maybe I should start making people around me laugh again? Is it possible to find back the long gone passion? I have only myself to ask… I want to feel the love around me, around the people that I live with, to feel satisfied with what I am doing. First, I need to share love. I really want to help, and get helped by someone else.

The sense of belonging…

 

Yoggie

Yoggie, in for a portrait

I guess I’m being abit homesick? This is my dog, Yoggie, living in my home in Malaysia. He is a mutt, a Corgi mutt to be precise. He isn’t as active as a corgi should, and isn’t as smart either (in the sense of training, but he is very cunning sometimes!) His favorites includes kuih bahulu(some traditional cake), durian(king of fruit), guava, and virtually everything you held in you hand and munching in your mouth. He is friendly most of the time, and pretty lazy throughout the day. I kinda miss him, and hope to be able to see him soon~!