Spring is here, and I see the lesser me out there

The feeling of being alive!

Spring is here~ Another year has passed…

Spring is the season of life, where everything comes back to life from the cold harsh winter. Life never seems to lose against the winter, but I myself is slipping away day by day, even when spring is here…

I decided to took some time last Saturday to visit a park near by my area to take some photos of the blooming cherry blossoms. But to my dismay, most of the flowers were still budding, so it wasn’t the full glorious moment that I longed for.

Looking back at all the photos taken, I see the lesser self in me. After some post processing, it seems that I had portrayed myself as one who longed for hope, showing the pessimist inside of me.

The photo of blooming cherry blossoms was the only consolation that I got. Suddenly I feel, maybe patience could bring me somewhere I wanted to go.

Never give up

Time is priceless, unless you have given up everything. But it could feel forever when you are waiting for something or someone. Can time make up for what we missed?

Beating the odds and shine as bright as gold

Someday, we will find what we want. Someday.

What’s your purpose?

Money, the path of life

Here’s something interesting that got me thinking suddenly while having Eminem’s “Space bound” playing at the background…

Today during work, my supervisor suddenly out of no where, asked me a question in English, which went something like this : What is the purpose of your life? Wow, that was a pretty deep question to answer while you are busy dealing with work at hand…

Well, at that moment, I couldn’t really give a satisfying answer at all. But from time to time, I have been reminding myself that my current purpose right now is to make people around me, especially my family happy no matter what. I don’t think I had achieved much, since my choice of working over here is one of the things opposed by my parents in the first place…

But come to think of it, when you embark into the working stage of life, everything is about money. This world couldn’t go around without money. Yes it’s true that money cannot buy you love or happiness, but without money, you won’t gain love and happiness either. I found out that it is just as mind boggling as the saying of “The way to have joy is to share it with others”; how can anyone share any joy when he or she doesn’t even have any joy in the first place?

So it seems that money has become the main motivation of my life, and soon it will become the purpose of my life. You can’t start a family without money; you can’t sustain a living in society without money; hell you can do nothing if you don’t have the money. Everyone judges people by how much they earn, by how big their houses are,  by how big the cars they drive. That’s the least worrying stuff for me. Sometimes I do envy the rich, but I would be satisfied with a moderate salary that can keep me going on comfortably.

*Sigh* What am I planning to do for the coming future? To tell you the truth, I have no idea what the future holds. Until now, my life turns out to be a series of unplanned events; seems to be a chain of events happening one at a time without me making any big plans ahead. Things come and go, and I just grab onto them by chance I suppose.

Well, now all I know is, I don’t want to return to the so called “normal life” everyone’s having. I want to at least lead a life which is slightly special then others. I guess that’s why I chose to stay instead of going back. Who knows where this will lead me to in the future…

Anyways, looking back at the photo on top, it’s something pretty amusing to me actually. I don’t know the actual name of the plant, but it’s known as life plant in some places. The tiny cute thingies on the leaf are actually the young of the plant, and in some coincidence, look like the sycees or better known as “元宝” in Chinese, the shape of gold ingot in the early days in China. Those tiny plants form a path at the edge of the leaf, and it seems to me that it is trying to say, “money is the path to life”. Is it me over-thinking, or is this plant trying to teach me about life?

All in all, the purpose of life is clear. I am not the kind of person who is going to do something to change the world, I am just some insignificant nobody who’s trying to work his ass off to achieve something abysmal in life.

I hope my life soon brings me another good turning.

Imperfection

Imperfect clovers

Summer is here, and when most of the flowers are dying away under the heat, the clovers are still standing, imperfect, but proud.

And yes, those are clover flowers. I was surprised to find out that those are clovers. I had always thought clovers were love-shaped leaves, and when someone told me that the flowers in this photo are clovers, I confidently argued with him. Wikipedia proved me wrong, and I was really surprised, with something I had always thought to be sure off.

Well, this proves that sometimes, someone might be correct, even though you think that you are pretty sure about what you have in mind.

This little clovers, might not be perfect under the beating sun, but they are certainly strong. Maybe we should always embrace imperfections; nothing is perfect. Sometimes we are being so judgmental that some small imperfections could ruin something or someone. They could be beautifully imperfect.

Someday, we might find out that we couldn’t live without one’s imperfection in our lives.

Spring is here, but coldness stays.

Blooming in the cold cold weather

Spring is here, but my mood has yet never changed, just like the cold wind blowing right now. It should be warmer by now, but it is still  as cold as winter, what is wrong with this world?

My working life started pretty well I would say, but now everything is going down hill. Even though I am still in probation period, I felt that I had enough of work. Everything seems like rushing towards me at once, making me breathless and driving me nuts. Sometimes even when I wasn’t that busy, I would feel tired and frustrated. I wonder how long I can last in this kind of situation? When will I get used to this kind of life?

Everything sucks right now. Today I went to take some pictures of the cherry blossoms after work, and it was cold as hell. I though I would at least get myself relaxed, but instead, I dropped my flash on the rocky ground and that really worsen my whole day. Even though it didn’t caused any harm beside some scratches to my beloved flash, it hurts so much that I couldn’t forgive myself for going a photo-shoot today.

Recently, I found out that I have become weaker as time goes by, relying on people more than I did when I was studying. I have people who love me here, people I can depend on. But being too close to someone can cause trouble too.

I have to admit, hard working life had made me weaker, and made me wanting to find some place where I can forget about work, share my sorrow and loneliness. I found a family who can provide me all I need, which is love. They have become one of those whom I cared about most. Sometimes, I will think about them, worrying about them so much that I get stressed out and depressed when they didn’t reply my messages. Sometimes, I do feel guilty, because I never cared about my parents as much as I cared about these people. This makes me realized, I shouldn’t forget about my roots either, about those who REALLY cared for me from the beginning of my lifetime.

I wouldn’t stay in Korea forever, and when the time comes, I will go back for sure. I don’t know when, it could be 2 years, it could be 5, or even 10. I do not think much about this, but my parents do. Anyhow, I do not know, by then, how I would leave this place, the place where I spend almost half of my life time, how I would say goodbye to those whom I love and appreciate so much.

Maybe I should pray to God, to give me strength to get through all these. Hope everything goes well in the future.

Maybe, I should be something like the cherry blossoms, blooming every spring, never getting tired of doing the same thing every year, even in this cold cold weather.

Ray of hope

Greens in the ray of light

This photo is kind of random. Nothing particular I wanna talk about regarding this photo. I just want to express my current fillings now.

I’m not a person with strong self-esteem, nor a person with strong opinions. I am always easily swayed by anything I have heard, or seen. This is pretty much my biggest weakness that I have.

I always believe that everything in life is fate. As long as u have faith in it, and just go along the flow, anything that belongs to you, will eventually become yours. I always tell myself, not to compare and compete with others excessively, and always be content with what I have, and be proud of what I had achieved, even though it isn’t any huge achievement at all.

It isn’t easy at all, as I always hear about how other people achieving better than what I had achieved. Being envious is just a small part of it, but thinking why I myself being in a “less satisfying” state is more excruciating than it seems. It’s hard to avoid negative thoughts, about myself, and about other people around me.

Everything happens for a reason. Fate more or less had already paved a path for us. Sometimes, we ask for more than what we want, especially seeing others getting something better. When something doesn’t belong to us, it will never come to us. That’s the other side of FATE, and I’m convincing myself to believe in that.

Sometimes, we need to think about other people who are less fortunate, or be in someone else’s shoes in order to know what they are suffering from. Self-appreciation could be a good thing too.

Always be content with what we have. Someday, a ray of light will shine upon us, lighting up a path in front of us,  leading all of us to our own destinies.

Dreams and reality.

Ready to fly, but rooted forever

Life is so contradicting, funny at times too. Like this particular plant that mimics the looks of a bird.

When we yearn for something we really wanted, we wouldn’t get it. Sometimes, we do not wish for  anything, there would be too many choices out there. Life is always about choices you make, deciding your future. Our fate is in our own hands.

We always wanted to soar for greater heights, reaching the pinnacle of our lives with astounding achievements that we had ever dreamt of. In reality, we are just rooted to the ground, forced to strive all day round, working hard just for a decent living. All these could be very different: either success or failure. If we could make the right choices, believe in the choice we made and work hard for it, with a dash of luck, we might just be able to accomplish anything.

Even in reality, it seems that we are forever stuck on the ground; but maybe dreaming of soaring to the sky could be just possible, if we really believe in it.  Who knows one day this bird flower will spread its wing and fly away?

All we can do is pray really hard, and try our best, so that everything goes smoothly…

They say this plant has a meaning: the birds bring luck and wealth to the owner. Hope this tiny little bird brings luck to anyone of us.

The end, is inevitable.

Flowers on the ground they wilt away

“Flowers on the ground they wilt away, sun in the skies it fades away…”

This is how the song called “Monte” by Zee Avi begins. I guess most of you might not know who’s this singer named Zee Avi. She’s one talented and gorgeous singer and guitar/ukelele player born in the island of Borneo in Malaysia. She is now currently under Jack Johnson’s record label, Brushfire records. She was first popular in Youtube and now making headlines in the world with her beautiful voice and wonderful lyrics.

This song is so soothing, even though the beginning is a bit on the sad side. I guess it’s true, for everything will eventually come to an end. That’s how life goes, isn’t it? The most beautiful flowers, will wither away; the most beautiful sunset will only last for a few seconds. How pity good things never last long.

I guess, the most important matter is how are you going live the most out of your life… and not regretting later…

Do enjoy this song. Monte, by Zee Avi.

Don’t tell me what to do.

Ignorant flowers

Life is pretty funny huh. Look at the flowers above. They are from the same stalk, from the same plant, yet the tiny flowers each facing different direction; seems like they all disagree with each other on something .

We humans too exhibit this kind of behavior. We might live under one roof, or maybe go through our daily routine together, but we might disagree on many things, or sometimes having some conflict, causing us having different views on many things.

How hard is it for us to get together well, respecting each other and live in harmony? I guess human instinct isn’t making this any much easier. Even for plants…

Budding, yet afraid of growing…

Slowly budding, baby steps

I’m not actually very young, nor old. But I wish I could just be like a budding flower, expected to bloom soon, to shine it’s glory. But never for long.

Sometimes, I just want to be in the budding state forever, looking at the world with baby eyes, blurred with imperfections which I never knew about.

Just being who we are, not being judgmental, without feeling insecure, not knowing how bad this world is, or how lonely one can be: are the things one might long for when they started to feel empty and meaningless.  Maybe, being naive is the best way to grow up.

Maybe this doesn’t make any sense at all, but I know in some point in life, anyone of us might feel that way.

Maybe, I’m just weak inside. So weak, making everything meaningless at times.

“Shut your eyes, a new day would come, and everything will be alright.”

Face the future with full confidence, and everything will be fine, just like a budding flower, showing it’s true beauty to the world while blooming gloriously!

Blooming gloriously

White Water Lily

Water lily, white and pure

This is another photo of water lily, this time in white with subtle yellow-beige core. This is yet another fine plant growing just in front of the tiny yard in front of my home.

White symbolizes many things. In Chinese or some Eastern Asian cultures, white could be the color of mourning or death.

But from this flower, all we perceive are purity and peace, or even, the sacredness. Just like white bridal dress which symbolizes purity of the bride…

Sometimes, it makes me wonder, what other meaning could white represent, especially in other cultures which I am unknown to?