Me, myself and I

The perfect gift to ponder apon

 

It’s really funny… Here I am sitting at a slightly crowded cafe by my self, thinking about everything that’s related to myself. I don’t do those normally, but tomorrow is my 25th birthday, and officially my second birthday in this foreign land I called home for the past 7 years (have been spending my birthday in my hometown during summer vacation when I was studying).

Anyways, here I am, alone with this cup of cafe latte on the table, thinking whether being here is a success or a failure.

I like the freedom I have here in Korea. Well, I’m am not talking about the freedom of time from work, frankly I don’t have those… But the freedom of doing anything I want, meeting the people I want.

To be honest, I came from a well lived family, didn’t struggle much in my life. But having to grow up in a fairly strict asian family, I enjoy the freedom that I had earn right now. Don’t get me wrong, I still respect my parents and love them very much.

But sometimes if you ask me, I would gladly choose freedom over family even though to get the freedom I need to sacrifice a lot.

Sometimes people can be very insensitive to others, thinking what they do is always right. The ever slight inconsideration can cause everything to go wrong in many situations.

On the other hand, when you are left all alone facing that world by yourself, the smallest consideration can go a very long way.

The human nature has always been like this: we never appreciate what we have in front of us, until we lose it. By then we only realize the importance of even the smallest things in our life.

Well, I like it this way. I’m far away from my family, so that I wouldn’t burden them, and I would appreciate them more since I would am not around them that often. Sacrificing that I gain my freedom while teaching myself to appreciate every little small things in life.

But it really tears me apart when I think of myself not being able to spend my time with my beloved ones, especially my grandmother that I love dearly. I guess I wouldn’t appreciate her as much if I’m beside her all the time.

Well in the end, all I have is an empty cup where I first had my cafe latte in. In the future when I look back, I hope I wouldn’t regret on the decision that I had made.

Happy birthday.

Relationship – friends

Can you find a friend in this sea of people?

Relationship is difficult for me it seems. Here, I’m talking about friendship. Some people will tell you that it might be as simple as starting a conversation first, but for someone like me living in a foreign land, that’s a pretty daunting task.

To be honest, most of us only hang out with those we are comfortable with, or those who speak a similar tone with us, be it language, interest, religion or whatsoever. So naturally, I had less friends when I’m here in South Korea compare to when I was in Malaysia. Most of the friends that I had when I was studying in university were those fellow students that came with me. Back then I didn’t bother much about making new friends since I had the mind-set of “I’m the alien and I should let them strike the first conversation”.

And also being the cautious person I am, I’m always wary of that most people would only befriend someone so that they can benefit from them. By experience we  also know that there are many kinds of people out there trying to get us too, waiting to back stab us at any moment for whatever reasons.

But as life and time goes by, we would get the chance to meet loads more good people around us if we spend a little bit more effort to seek them out. I had been skeptical from the beginning about this last time since one of the stereotypes about Koreans is that they are not really that friendly with anyone, always arrogant (to fellow Asians at least), particularly those from Seoul. But being off school and stepping into the 8-to-8-working world, I have been forced to re-construct my social circle among the locals since I was alone.

Maybe I was fortunate enough because most of the people who I had befriended up til now are really good people, whom I can trust and would give me a hand when I’m in trouble. So I had concluded that I was wrong, that there exist friendly people everywhere, even at my work place.

Right now, I have people I consider friends, and friends that I consider like my own brothers and sisters which I had never thought of. Even though some of them are from the management level and significantly older than me, I am able to communicate with them well, sharing our thoughts, our ups and downs together, talking about anything and everything. Mind you, S. Koreans always have this social hierarchy that’s really though to handle, and also the language barrier that always hinders me, but they were good to overlook that most of the time.

Furthermore, I was too blessed with other foreign friends that I had met, from work and from social interaction. There are so many things to learn from them since they are from all walks of life and have traveled more, and have more experience in life compare to what I have seen. So, now I had realized that I missed out some great opportunities of meeting great people while I was studying, and also realizing that 1 really close friend is better than 5 superficial friends.

It is nice to have people to interact with even in the age of social networking where most people would face their smart phones screens poking their friends on Facebook and sending tweets rather than talking to someone face to face. All in all, be careful while befriending someone and we shall benefit from each other and who knows this world might become a better place to live in.

Is this fate?

City of the unexpected

I miss you like crazy right now. I never knew this could ever happen in such a short time. Just 3 days, it only took 3 days to totally fall for you. I never imagined this would ever happen in this gloomy city of Shenyang, but it seems that it has. Your absence is driving me to the verge of insanity.

I have been thinking about what I should do just to get you right beside me. You make me feel that I had found my long lost friend. I miss the way how you would correct your glasses with your hands when you are talking, I miss the way you look when you blurr out when everything comes at you at once. I miss the time when we spoke in your hotel room, the time we spoke when we were alone together.

I really wish you would know how I feel right now. I will do everything for you. Would you do the same for me? What should I do next?

God please let me know.

All alone in the park

Today is Wednesday, a day which I don’t need to work until 8.30pm, sitting on a bench at central park near my house, listening to taylor swift while writing this post. The scenery is pretty good; overlooking a small pond while many people walk pass by. The journey to the park had me thinking about my future, about what I really want in life. To be honest, I don’t know what I really wanted. I recently met someone new in my life who inspires me a lot, inspires me to do things that I would have never imagined. All in all, to be inspired and to really try a new thing is two whole different things. Would I have the courage to do what really inspires me, or just stick to the status quo? Even though I am proud of myself being able to achieve a lot where normal people aren’t able to, at the same time I’m disappointed that I couldn’t achieve what I really wanted the most. Heck, right now I don’t even know what I really want now. All I can do right now is breathe out a huge *sigh* and do what I do best, wait and let faith brings me to my other destination.  This time I hope that I am lucky enough, and not hoping to be as fortunate as before…

How long should I wait?

When you don’t know where to go

Aimless and chained

Have you ever felt like you are wondering around, without knowing the real purpose of existing and what you really wanted the most?

This reminds me the life of being a pet. The sole existance of the pet dog for instance, is to follow its master everywhere they go, and listen to their commands. What if when the master suddenly stops giving orders, chained it, and leave the dog somewhere by itself? How would the dog feel? Who would you feel when you are in that situation?

Suddenly you lose aim of what you are trying so hard to achieve for, the feeling of anxiety, fear; looking for something or someone that we can count on, but couldn’t find them anywhere.

All the dog can do is, whine and howl, wishing its master will return.

What will you do?

Spring is here, and I see the lesser me out there

The feeling of being alive!

Spring is here~ Another year has passed…

Spring is the season of life, where everything comes back to life from the cold harsh winter. Life never seems to lose against the winter, but I myself is slipping away day by day, even when spring is here…

I decided to took some time last Saturday to visit a park near by my area to take some photos of the blooming cherry blossoms. But to my dismay, most of the flowers were still budding, so it wasn’t the full glorious moment that I longed for.

Looking back at all the photos taken, I see the lesser self in me. After some post processing, it seems that I had portrayed myself as one who longed for hope, showing the pessimist inside of me.

The photo of blooming cherry blossoms was the only consolation that I got. Suddenly I feel, maybe patience could bring me somewhere I wanted to go.

Never give up

Time is priceless, unless you have given up everything. But it could feel forever when you are waiting for something or someone. Can time make up for what we missed?

Beating the odds and shine as bright as gold

Someday, we will find what we want. Someday.

A post in a month time…

A big window of opportunity

It’s been almost a month now since my last post. I wonder what took myself so long to post something new here.

Well, life has been pretty smooth apparently, except having to shift to a new factory as my company is currently in the step of up-sizing. A new environment, and also a new team structure. Some manager from the other team is coming into the R&D team. Everyone kinda hates him it seems…

An overhaul is needed the company said, for the R&D team. All I had in mind was if they really want to treat this team as a REAL R&D entity, they have to respect us as an R&D department, as in paying us the  adequate amount of salary, not requesting us to support the engineering team when they are overloaded with their own job, and stick to the rules of prototyping and development.

From time to time, I have been thinking whether is worth my time and effort to stay right here. Windows of opportunity open and close from time to time. I think I had missed quite a few now.

Maybe it’s time to close this door, and look for another opening window…

Expressions

Are you happy?

With faces, comes expressions.

With just a single look of someone’s face, you can be pretty sure whether that someone is in a good mood, is sad, or terrified.

How do you look like when you face the world?

I would look just like the first cute little guy holding the “I am happy” sign to you, but inside, you would never know how I feel.

Can you ever hide you feelings? Or how can you express your real feelings to someone else?

Make a wish~

Make a wish, in a totally different way

Stack it up, make a wish…

Who knows, it might come true without you even knowing?

Just wishing…

Oh, 2011 is here…

Loniest cake ever

Wow, 2010 just came and went. I don’t feel anything for the coming of year 2011. Just another day, just another year, it comes and goes…

I have been cold to my blog recently. I don’t know why. Maybe could be that I have nothing interesting to share, or maybe just plain not in the mood to share anything at all.

Anyways, winter is my least liked season of all, because it instills me the feeling of loneliness and homesickness in the freezing cold weather, especially during festive seasons like Christmas and new year’s day. I’m kinda sick of the hoohas about all these celebrations and stuffs…

I have to admit, I’m lonely here. I guess I’m a sucker for companionship and all. Look at that cake. Would it be sad if I tell you that I bought that cake by myself for myself in Christmas day? What a wuss I am you would say… Well luckily it wasn’t.

Maybe something small and simple should be appreciated more than we should.

Or maybe I can make a choice and try to change the situation right now?

This calls for a new year’s resolution!!!! Lemme think about it and get back here as soon as possible, kay?

Happy New Year Everyone!

And by the way, yes, that’s a jumping corgi with the phrase “If you BELIEVE, You will SUCCEED” wallpaper on my laptop. 😀